Amanda Brunker

Mmmh, my favourite flavour: SPUNK.

Mmmh,my favourite flavour - spunk. I could just gobble down pints of cum all night.

Amanda is such a cunt she even wrote her own entry for inclusion in Irish Cunts. We bring you this Meisterwerk courtesy of amandabrunker.com, hideous spelling errors and all:

How would I describe myself? (We suggest cunt.)

Well, let‘s just say I‘m a woman who likes to keep busy. (Well, lets just say by busy you mean slapping around.) When others write about me they normally mention that i’m a former Miss Ireland/model/journalist/TV presenter/party girl/best – selling author and mum of two.  And cock gobbling, talentless, vapid, moronic cunt. It‘s been a colourful (lots of riding around) journey to reach this point in my life, but at 35 years – old I only feel I‘m starting to get my grove on. (A grove is a small wood you dopey cunt.)
While my children and family are my life , my writing (writing? Are you fucking serious?) is my passion which continues to give me such joy and cash from the gullible fuckwits who lap my scutter up – even when I end up working late into the night because the kids kept me up past 10 p m ! (Domestic life is so wacky!) I love being able to make people laugh and distract them from the real world and their own problems for a time. (Yup, we are laughing our boxes off at you, you completely self-unaware cretin.)

Although I left school at 16 years old without any formal qualifications (No shit, we thought you were the next James Joyce) instead I tell people I’ve “A” grades from the school of life.  (Riding around) I went onto win the Miss Ireland competition aged 17 and that‘s where my career,sucking cock, as I know it began.

As a chick who was never quite sure when to keep her mouth shut ,mmmmh, I just love spunk, gobble gobble, I got myself into all sorts of trouble in the Irish media down through the years and even though I‘ve been bitten on the bum many times, I still struggle to reign in my tongue from time-time. (We never doubted your tongue was very busy.)

Though my days of slandering Bishops and mentioning anal – bleaching on breakfast TV are well behind me – let’s hope(We do hope your days on TV are over too).Because the great man himself Bono (I know Bono! Wow!, I am so totally fucking amazing!) was a neighbour of mine, I was introduced to the world of sucking celebrity cock from a very young age. I remember as a child cursing the noise my brother Edward and Bono used to make on their guitars. I don’t think they were EVER in tune. (As if you’d know.)

Now since my brother has passed away (Boo-fucking-hoo), I would give anything to hear that noise again. Of course, Bono’s musical skills have improved greatly, and I continue to be very proud of all his achievements and of the fact that I can call him a friend. (I know Bono! Wow! I am so totally fucking amazing!)

Although my wild or lost years weren’t in fact as wild as other people thought, I will admit that I had the best fun. Yes, I would be the first and last woman dancing on the furniture in Renards (my favourite VIP nightclub in Dublin.) (Stop, you’re making us jealous that we never get to hang out with self-regarding tossers) Yes, I drank many men under the table (I am Irish after all), Wow!, I am so totally fucking amazing! and yes, I met (fucked) some of the most fascinating (obnoxious) characters (twats) along the way. But no, there is nothing, not a second of my life that I would change. I don’t believe in regrets… and without being too deep, (How the fuck could you possibly be, Amanda? You are a fucking imbecile.) I believe it got me to where I am today. (Thanks for those profound philosophical insights.)

While winning the Miss Ireland in 1991(Fuck me, will we ever hear the cunting end of it?) (yes, I do feel old when I say that) (Oh, self-deprecation, all is forgiven so.) helped me build my name in Ireland, it was really when I became a journalist (You are to journalism what Dr. Josef Mengele is to gynecology) with Ireland’s biggest selling so-called newspaper The Sunday World (check my links) (Nah, thanks.) that my career took direction. At first a social columnist, and then later as a celebrity interviewer, I met some of the biggest names in showbiz along with many wannabes (unlike me, a genuine star), and everytime the stars proved their worth.

Since 2000 they have nurtured and supported and fucked me through everything I have done and for that I am entirely grateful.

Although I can technically call myself a TV presenter  thanks to The Dinner Part and The Podge & Rodge Show, it‘s been guesting on other peoples TV shows that I’ve taken part in. Whether I‘ve been running a radio station on Inside Charity 252, shattering people‘s eardrums while singing on Charity You’re A Star, or murdering a jig on Celebrity Jigs & Reels, I‘d like to think I’ve kept a shred of dignity through out ha! Maybe not. (How in the name of sweet baby Jesus can someone who calls themselves a writer mangle the English language into such a contorted mess?)

But it’s probably been the TV appearances with my mother Betty that I‘ve enjoyed the most. Like the good penny she has turned up with me when I’ve been reporting from the Caribbean for No Frontiers – TWICE ! Wow! I am so totally fucking amazing! Made the documentary Mother Knows Best with me, and ended up proving the title right & has also followed me onto shows such as the legendary Late Late Show & Seoige with very little encouragement from me! (Ok, here she has completely given up on the English language and descended into raving gibberish.)

But of course my proudest achievement to date is becoming a mommy. Because I did so much fucking around I cannot believe I didn’t become infertile from the diseases I’ve picked up.  Indeed I did come across some flack for posing for the front covers of Capital and VIP magazines with this image of me doing a Demi….
But I was very excited to be pregnant first time round and was more than happy to show the world because retards are often sterilised for their own good and yet I still managed to procreate. I didn‘t bother recreating it second time round, but instead took off another famous image of the classic American Beauty pose with Mena Suvari, but with a slightly more Oirish slant thanks to four stone of spuds. I was of course publicising my newly Slender figure, after loosing (You call yourself a journalist and make such a basic error? Your fanny is loose, Amanda; you lose your dignity every time you open your mouth. Get it?) four stone in weight thanks to the Slender X cellerate tablets I had been taking. (Of course you were selling something you fucking whorebag.)

Thanks for that Amanda, you’re great craic and we’ve had a right ol’ laugh at you: Here’s your medal, now please fuck off, you dozy cunt.

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2 comments

  1. Moses

    First bit of last paragraph I nearly shat myself

  2. Mousey

    I know a bloke who was shooting his load up her some years back. He dumped her because she was a moronic cunt, plus he found out several other nobs were dumping in her too. So yeah, a cunt who’s done nothing but starfuck and amazingly caught no diseases, that we know of.

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